last writing meme ask, I think, from heatchatt:
I might have missed the window on this, but if you’re still fielding questions about your stories:
‘“You didn’t tell me right away,” Derek finds himself snapping, “when Maria made you that offer you took me dancing, you let me fuck you in your bed, knowing that the next morning you were going to leave me. Forgive me if I wasn’t running out to put myself on the line again, for you.” Stiles looks a little stunned; Derek wonders if it never occurred to him how awful Derek has always felt about that night, like if they’d had some conversation, if Derek had insisted, if he hadn’t been so easy to roll over then things would have gone differently.
“Fuck you,” Stiles says, now. “I was twenty two and terrified. My whole life was about to change. I was too scared, Derek, it was too sad, I needed one more night. I needed it.”’
What I’m wondering about is Stiles’ lack of apology here, because in The Cold Part he reads to me as knowing that he should’ve told Derek immediately, that he understood it was deceitful and a bit greedy taking this extra piece of Derek’s life before telling him something he knew would break his heart. Especially in light of the way he goes about having Derek shift for him later, I wonder how you see Stiles headspace on the balance between self care and respecting what the people in his life need for their own self care (I hope this makes sense …)
This is going to be a very boring answer, I’m afraid, but that’s really just Stiles being defensive? He knows it was the wrong thing to do and he feels awful about it, so awful that he can’t admit to it, especially in this moment when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable and threatened. He lashes out instead, offering the justifications he’s offered himself, over the years. I don’t think it works for him any more than it works for Derek.
So yeah, the conversation about Stiles not telling Derek that he was going to ask him to shift is, in a sense, an apology for this— for Stiles’ habit of assuming that he has any kind of right to Derek’s body.